She wasn’t asking to keep the house, she was begging for stability for her kids.

But the advisor only heard “asset division.” And so, a plan was made. Numbers were calculated. A strategy was implemented.

And yet, it all fell apart. Not because the math was wrong, but because the listener missed what mattered most.

In divorce, what people say is often just the surface. What they mean is buried underneath emotion, fear, and fatigue. Professionals who fail to listen deeply risk offering advice that’s technically sound—but emotionally destructive. And that’s where the real damage happens.

Why Listening—True Listening—Matters More Than Ever

In today’s fast-paced professional world, we’re encouraged to respond quickly, solve problems efficiently, and keep moving forward. But in divorce, those instincts can become liabilities. Clients aren’t just bringing documents and decisions, they’re bringing grief, anger, shame, and hope. In this context, listening becomes more than a skill. It becomes a form of leadership.

Active listening isn’t about nodding politely or waiting for your turn to speak. It’s the deliberate, intentional practice of being fully present. It means absorbing not just what is being said, but how it’s being said. It means tracking tone, pauses, contradictions, and silence.

It means listening for what isn’t being said.

Active Listening Isn’t Passive. It’s Strategic.

Every day, professionals in law, real estate, finance, and mental health are trusted with navigating life’s most vulnerable moments. Yet too often, the drive to “fix” or “explain” overrides the willingness to listen.

When that happens in a divorce conversation, something vital is lost. Misunderstandings fester. Emotions escalate. Strategic options are missing.

But when professionals slow down and truly listen, something powerful happens:
People feel seen. They feel safe. They open up. They clarify their goals. And they’re far more likely to collaborate rather than fight.

This is why active listening isn’t just a communication tool—it’s a business strategy.

Real-World Impact: The Difference Listening Makes

I remember a case where a divorcing woman was adamant about refinancing the home in her name. The advisor she worked with focused solely on income, debt ratios, and market conditions. But he didn’t stop to ask why the home mattered so much.

When she came to us, we listened in a different way. It turned out the home wasn’t just property, it was a sense of normalcy for her teenage son, who had recently started therapy after a mental health crisis. Once we understood that, we structured a buyout strategy that accommodated her timing, emotional needs, and financial future.

That didn’t come from a spreadsheet. It came from listening.

Divorce Professionals Must Listen Differently

The divorce process is rarely linear. Conversations are layered. Decisions are emotional. And professionals who want to guide, not just manage, need to develop listening skills that go far beyond the basics.

This is why I created the REMS (Real Estate Mediation Specialist) certification. It was designed for professionals who want to integrate foundational mediation techniques into their existing work, whether they’re a mortgage advisor, real estate agent, or Certified Divorce Lending Professional (CDLP®).

Because if you don’t understand the strategies used in mediation, you risk being counterproductive—even if your intentions are good. Listening is the first strategy.

Listening Leads to Better Outcomes

When professionals practice authentic active listening, clients benefit in measurable and meaningful ways:

• Fewer contested issues: Clients feel heard, so they’re less likely to dig in out of frustration or fear.
• More strategic decisions: Professionals understand the emotional context and craft solutions that work long-term.
• Improved client trust: When people feel heard, they’re more open, cooperative, and loyal.
• Higher referral rates: Professionals who listen deeply stand out—and are more likely to be remembered.

This Isn’t Soft Skill Work. It’s Professional Mastery.

Over the past two decades, I’ve trained nearly 10,000 professionals through the Divorce Lending Association and the REMS platform. Across every story, success didn’t hinge on technical excellence alone—it hinged on the human connection built through listening.

And listening is something we can all practice every day.

Next time you sit across from a client or colleague, ask yourself:

• Am I hearing just their words, or am I understanding their why?
• Am I formulating a reply, or allowing space for more?
• Am I offering answers, or offering presence?

Because sometimes, the most powerful thing you can say is nothing at all.

A Personal Invitation

If you're a divorce professional, whether in lending, real estate, law, or family services, make it your goal this week to listen more than you speak. Shift your mindset from “explaining” to understanding.

And if you're ready to take your role to the next level, I invite you to explore the REMS Certification. Learn how to listen like a mediator, speak with clarity, and guide divorcing clients through one of the most complex transitions of their lives, with wisdom and compassion.

Because the difference between being a good professional and being an irreplaceable one?

Is how you listen.

About the Author

Jody Bruns is the President and Founder of the Divorce Lending Association and the creator of both the Certified Divorce Lending Professional (CDLP®) and Real Estate Mediation Specialist (REMS) certification programs. With over 35 years of experience in mortgage and financial services, and as a certified mediator herself, Jody has trained nearly 10,000 professionals nationwide. She is also the author of "A House Divided" and "Anchored in Faith," and the host of the "Beyond the House" podcast. Jody is widely recognized as the #1 authority in divorce mortgage planning and a passionate advocate for families navigating transition with clarity and compassion.

About the Divorce Lending Association

The Divorce Lending Association (DLA) is the nation’s leading organization for professionals working at the intersection of divorce, real estate, and mortgage planning. The DLA is the home of the CDLP® and REMS certifications, serving as a central hub for advanced training, resources, and collaboration. The Association’s mission is to equip mortgage professionals with the tools and education needed to become strategic allies to the divorce and family law community.

Legal and Tax Disclaimer

The information provided in this article is for educational and informational purposes only and should not be construed as legal, financial, or tax advice. Individuals should consult with a qualified attorney, financial advisor, or tax professional regarding their specific situation. The author and the Divorce Lending Association disclaim any liability for actions taken based on the content of this article.

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